


you’re never gonna say “i do”

by larvitar



Category: Portrait de la jeune fille en feu | Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019)
Genre: F/F, Marriage, Songfic, hello ay oh three wuh luh wuh community it’s me your good friend larvitar, sad bitches who i fuck wit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:01:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23375074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larvitar/pseuds/larvitar
Summary: Marianne knew that some facets of their relationship were to be completely nonexistent- however, that didn’t stop the girl from picturing them.☆★☆héloïse/marianne, one-shot, mostly angst
Relationships: Héloïse/Marianne (Portrait of a Lady on Fire)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	you’re never gonna say “i do”

**Author's Note:**

> will i ever do this film justice? no. but you bet i can try!!!! this fic takes place on their last day together, before the “don’t regret. remember” scene. title from the sza song passport (https://youtu.be/UFdKjIUSVAI)

Marianne was very certain of the fact that the _affair_ she was having at the present moment (as one might call it, anyway) was temporary. Most of her skirmishes with love in the past had been frivolously temporary, and with her experiences with Héloïse she expected everything but permanence. And yet, her mind seemed to believe otherwise.

Marianne had rarely seen an instance of marriage in pursuit of love and happiness. It seemed near impossible- after all, her father only married her late mother to secure familial relations with another upper working class family. Marianne never saw marriage as a possibility, never as a pursuit to chase after. Settling down, birthing and raising a child, forfeiting her passions to become a housewife. It never occurred to her as something she would want.

Soon enough, though, Héloïse would be married. The contessa would return home, look at Marianne’s faithful portrait, and praise her while also adjusting Héloïse’s wedding dress before waving her off. Marianne had nightmarish visions of it, of a ghostly version of Héloïse, devoid of all the life and soul that made her so Héloïse, standing in the hallway. It was never something Marianne would like to dwell on for too long, as it always sent a chill down her spine and a spike of fear in her heart.

Despite the temperance of their relationship, Héloïse’s situation regarding her marriage, and the idiocy of marriage as an institution (as it stood currently), Marianne would sometimes absently daydream about the two of them being wed for love. A faraway thought, perhaps, and yet one all the more appealing.

Héloïse and Marianne were sitting idly on the beach before Marianne decided to bring it up. A foolish idea? Quite possibly.

”Do you ever think of the idea of marrying for love?” Putting all her fruit in one basket. No stopping herself now.

Héloïse tutted, looking out to the sea before stealing a glance at Marianne, her hooded green eyes boring into the other girl before turning back to the gentle waves. “I suppose not. It has never been even remotely a possibility for me.”

Marianne looked down at her dress, tucking a lock of dark hair behind her ear. _Of course that’s what the answer would be,_ she thought to herself. Why would she even-

“Why ask?” Héloïse inquired, her eyes turning back to face Marianne.

Now, Marianne simply had to lock eyes with Héloïse. There was no room for shyness in such a conversation as this.

”I had been pondering if such a thing could exist.”

”Were you considering it?”

”Not until now, no.”

Héloïse’s brow furrowed. ”Not until now?”

Marianne’s cheeks darkened. She was caught red-handed. She took a deep breath in before she uttered the next words. “There have been many a time where I have thought of the insane proposition of us being wed for love in a different world.”

Héloïse hummed, turning back to face the ocean. “I will admit, I have dwelled on that thought often as well.”

Well, that just made Marianne’s cheeks grow even darker. She hadn’t expected Héloïse to admit lingering on that thought as well, as it was beyond unattainable for the blonde woman.

Héloïse continued. “I know it is something I shouldn’t linger on, but my mind persists.”

Marianne stood up. “Then maybe it is something we should do. Surely it wouldn’t be legally official, but it would be official nonetheless.”

Héloïse blinked, looking up at Marianne. “Are you sure?”

Marianne hesitated before steeling herself. “Of course.”

The two remained silent for a bit, before Marianne spoke again. “However, if you do not believe in the institution and I was just entertaining your daydreams, we don’t ha-“

Héloïse grabbed Marianne’s hand and stood up, making strong eye contact with her. “Nonsense. I’d rather celebrate love now than never. A nice ceremony is all we will need.”

Marianne nodded, silently agreeing with Héloïse’s wishes. They would not need anything more.

☆★☆

Their wedding was at sunset, the same day. The slowly setting sun illuminated the tall grass and flowers in a golden light as the waves gently crashed against the cliffs. Marianne couldn’t have chosen a better place.

It was just the two of them, standing on a spot near the edge of the cliff. Neither of the two women had done anything all too special with their appearances, except the wildflowers Marianne had picked and put snugly next to Héloïse’s ear, because they matched her eyes. In response, Héloïse grabbed a different patch of wildflowers and tucked them behind Marianne’s ear, because they “matched (her) spirit”, to which Marianne predictably blushed at.

Marianne fumbled with the slip of paper in her dress pocket. She had never attended a wedding, and as such, she felt a bit lost on some of the conventions. Should she start with her vows now, or...?

Héloïse nodded toward her. Marianne would go first, then. That made sense. Marianne took a small, crumpled slip of paper from her dress, adorned with smudgy black ink.

”Héloïse.” Marianne started. Saying her name, now, felt as natural as breathing itself. “We have not had the longest of times together.” Héloïse’s breath caught for a second before Marianne continued. “Nonetheless, I have found being in your presence an experience of love, joy, and hope. I am aware of the circumstances, and that our time will come to a close sooner than later, but-“ This time, Marianne’s breath caught before she continued on. “-isn’t it profound, how a brief experience can be so special?” Marianne sighed and closed her eyes. “Thank you for sharing this time with me.” At that, Marianne put her forehead against Héloïse’s, the other woman mirroring her action as they breathed in each other’s breath. Finally, the two drew back as Héloïse looked about ready to speak.

Héloïse looked anxious. That much was clear from the way she was hesitating. Her eyes darted from Marianne’s face, to the ground, and back and forth, and back and forth. Finally, she looked ready enough to begin speaking, and she coughed briefly.

However, instead of speaking, the blonde woman found herself wrought with emotion, and strangled, silent sobs came out of her. Héloïse was breathing erratically as a few tears made their way down her cheeks, and yet she was not audibly full-out crying. She then threw herself at Marianne, her face pressed into the other girl’s shoulder, any sound of the other woman crying being muffled by Marianne’s dress (although Marianne suspected it would not be loud had she been crying into her shoulder or otherwise).

Marianne seized her arms around the other girl, holding Héloïse in her arms. She traced circles on her back, softly rocking her back and forth without much movement. Marianne had her other hand on her hair, her gentle hand flattening down wispy blonde locks that wanted to escape from her head. The two women stood there for what felt like hours on end, finding themselves silently experiencing waves upon waves of pure emotion.

Eventually, Héloïse’s breathing returned to normal and Marianne’s hands steadied themselves as well, no longer in motion, but instead just steadying Héloïse. Héloïse then withdrew from her place on Marianne’s shoulder, making eye contact with her and only uttering two simple words before looking back down: “We can’t.”

Héloïse’s eyes weren’t extremely red, but they were enough of a light pink shade to realize that she had been crying, if you took a good look.

”I’m sorry,” Marianne said. There was no other words she could think of saying in the situation they were currently in.

Wordlessly, Héloïse looked back up at Marianne, and their lips collided. Their kiss deepened, filled with passion, which encouraged the fire burning in Marianne’s core. The two eventually drew apart for breath, still gently cupping each other’s faces, neither of them daring to speak.

Héloïse tucked a lock of dark hair behind Marianne’s ear, breathing heavily. “Thank you for celebrating love with me, Marianne.” Héloïse said her name languidly and as fluid as nectar from the gods.

Marianne smiled wistfully at the other woman, savoring her gaze. “I couldn’t have done it with anyone else.”

☆★☆

**Author's Note:**

> i have brainrot because i have not been able to think about anything else BESIDES this film since i’ve seen it (& especially since quarantine started). this isn’t my best work by any means but this is my first publication since november which is cool. also the quote “isn’t it profound, how a brief experience can be so special?” that marianne says is from a comic on tumblr by alisonzai sooooo full creds to her for that one. but i’ve just fallen in love with this movie and i hope my writing pays a decent homage to céline sciamma’s work of pure perfection  
> ☆★☆  
> torture me on tumblr: krookodyke.tumblr.com


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